Grandma is BACK. When you first met her, she was a mere 100-years young and gave her opinion on all things vaccines. Now, she’s two years older and is still living in that same two-story house doin’ her thang. We recently chatted it up and I asked her to give me all of her secrets because she’s rockin’ the hundreds like a boss. She was reluctant, but I managed to walk out of her house with a stack of books a century old and a bit of advice.
Now you should know … she’s not a doctor. I’m pretty sure she didn’t go to school past the 6th grade but she had 11 brothers and sisters, lived through two world wars, the Great Depression, the “polio” propaganda of the 50s, has an impressive collection of Physician Desk References, and starred in Little House on the Prairie. Okay … maybe not, but when she talks about her life growing up that’s kind of where my mind goes.
Suffice it to say, she’s seen it all and heard some crazy propaganda in her day (like treating pretty much everything you have with sugar, smoking is safe, and formula is better). Yet, she’s managed to stick to her principles even when it wasn’t cool. She is a huge fan of nursing, co-sleeping, baby wearing, couponing, and imaginary boyfriends; so rest assured, she has some legit street cred. She was crunchy before crunchy was cool, wasn’t cool, and before it made its comeback.
If you’ve been told to ask the “older generation” about pretty much everything … allow me to bestow upon you some cliff notes from a 102-year-old:
All Things Food
Grandma says you should drink canned tomato juice every day from your garden and love you some raw onions. She doesn’t understand this whole “organic” stuff because organic is the type of food that she ate growing up … without the label. She thinks that the stuff they pass off as “food” that isn’t “food” should have the label on it.
However, (for the sake of full disclosure) Grammy eats hotdogs because she can’t wrap her mind around the concept of mystery meat. Like … why would anyone make a stick of meat out of leftover yuck and call it a wiener if it wasn’t legit? But when you’re over a hundred, you can have your kale and eat your hotdog too.
Doctors, Disease, and Vaccines
We all know where Grandma stands on vaccines. She thinks it’s bunk and that the polio vaccine could be associated with cancer. I tend to agree. When I told her that some vaccines contain aborted baby ingredients, milk came out her nose. As a staunch Christian, Grandma’s pro-life and wouldn’t think of compromising her stance to avoid getting chicken pox … or measles … or whatever other common childhood illness they’re trying to pass off as the plague these days.
Like the rest of us, she gets harassed several times a year about getting a flu shot. Her response? Do not get a flu shot … unless you want to get sick. Then, get a flu shot.
I bet you thought natural health supplements were just a thing of our generation … right? Wrong. Grandma Diva is a huge fan of supplements. She says you shouldn’t complain about your health because complaining won’t make whatever you have go away. Just pretend you don’t know what happened or how it got there and do something about it.
Is that your way of saying, “suck it up” Grandma? Why yes, yes it is.
I’ve stalked my Grandma’s supplement stash several times (and admit I have been one of her dealers) and she’s a personal fan of herbal teas, all-natural joint creams, MSM, herbal supplements, and is a huge fan of the woo (essential oils). She doesn’t understand why she can’t stand perfume but can drown her woes in oil like it aint’ no thing. Well Grandma, have you ever heard of a “toxin?”
Free-Range Kids, Nursing, Co-sleeping, and SIDS
Have kids … so they can take care of you when you’re old. Nurse them for at least 13 months, co-sleep or put them in a drawer next to your bed (It’s 2017, Grandma.), and don’t let that baby cry it out. SIDS what? “Slept four to a drawer and twelve to a bed back in the day and we didn’t see that like we do today.”
And good grief, send your kids outside and watch out for the neighbor kids too. You don’t report another parent for letting their kids play outside … you invite them over for supper and give them some of the tomato juice from your garden.
There you have it. Advice from someone who has lived a lot longer than those people who tell you that you should ask the older generation about pretty much everything.
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